corner view~experiment

Tree and Dawn, 1990

I know sometimes I grumble about the way technology seems to distract and disconnect people, with kids sitting side by side on cell phones, ignoring each other. But today, I was so happy and excited to "face time" one of my oldest, most special friends.  The friend I met at age eleven, and am still very close to. The friend I went through middle school, high school, college, weddings, births of babies, and everything else that comes with this time in life. She lives 6000 miles from me, and yet there I was, at her boy's lacrosse practice, and there she was, being shown around my house, a house she has never been to.

This was the first time either of us had ever done this with our phones. We got disconnected a few times, but we figured it out.  It was a perfect surprise experiment that worked!!  We were so excited to connect like this. We laughed and laughed and felt like teenagers again, and goofed around, and then got caught up discussing our lives, talking about our kids who are teenagers now. We are girls of the 80's, living as mothers to kids of the millennium.

There is nothing in the world like a friend who loves you, knows you, and has grown up with you.

I am so grateful for you Dawnie.  You changed me.  When I met you and saw how you treated people and always had a smile on your face, and a kind for word for everyone, even old people, it made me want to be a better person.  It made me want to be more like you.    

my future, according to annabel

I asked Annabel if she saw me working a job someday, in the future when she was in college.  This was her reply.

"I could see you as a shopkeeper in a store with Indian spices and incense.  And I know you don't ride horses, but I could see you working with horses, or as a horse trainer."  She paused.  "No I think you'll be a farmer, giving tours of the farm.  These are our prize cows, and here are our chickens, you'll say."

Then she smiled at me and said, and people will ask me, "Oh so you grew up on a farm?"  And I'll answer, "No I grew up in the tropics."

And she laughed and walked away.

Maybe she's right.  Here I am in 2008.

corner view~bygones

I have always felt a connection to the past.

I love old lace clothing, sunbonnets, calico fabrics, wooden produce boxes, copper tea kettles, rounded trunks, bubbled glass, and planks of wood with layers of paint.  I love the idea of riding in a horse drawn carriage and seeing the countryside at a slower pace than when one drives a car.

In our current age of instant messages, email, and the internet where everything seems to be at the tips of our fingers, I love the idea of corresponding through letters, on pretty paper, perhaps marbled from Italy, written with a fine black pen.

I love the art of real conversation.  Of sitting face to face over a cup of tea and a few cookies.  This is far more appealing than the little sound that interrupts us when we get text messages.  I wonder if our children know what they are missing, sitting across from each other as they stare at their cell phones?

Just today I thought of my sister who shares this love of old things and old ways with me.  And I thought, as I walked to my mailbox in false optimistic anticipation of receiving any personal correspondence, "I should write her a letter."

And then I said to myself, "I know she'll write me back."      

annabel's party

At this age it's about the people.  Hence, the many photos of people.  What a sweet celebration we had for Miss Annabel.  She was especially happy to have expanded her circle of friends this year, especially in relation to a year ago.  For freshman year of high school, she is doing pretty well.  She picks good kids to bring into her world.  One girl, new to this group, actually remarked that these kids were more positive and kind to each other than her current group of friends.  I thought that was interesting.

They swam and jumped on the trampoline and ate food (pizza, nutella, sodas, marshmallows, chips, salsa, strawberries, and the veggie plate I insisted on adding to the mix - hey they liked it!)  One girl brought deviled eggs from her chickens at home.  We served ice cream for desert.  More nutella.  No cake. Mom, teenagers don't need cake.  Just in case you didn't know.

They talked.  They discussed school, teachers, movies, music.  They were noisy.  They were quiet, but mostly noisy.  They watched a movie for fifteen minutes, a rated G cartoon.  They gave Annabel gifts.

But the most special part of all was when a boy suggested that everyone go around the table and say what they loved about Annabel.  It was really touching for our family to hear, and also for Annabel. And it was really impressive to hear how much they all really get her, enjoy her, and what a good friend she is to each of them.          

corner view~slow

I know, it's missing a spoon

Things have been pretty slow around these parts.  At the end of January the kids all got sick, one after the other, and it went on for a long while.  Gary and I cared for them all day and some nights.  We were a great team.  I brought many trays of food to all of them.  They went through two huge pots of chicken soup with fresh herbs from the garden, they drank juice mixed with sparkling water. The poor kiddos all felt awful with high fevers.  But they are all better now, thank God!

I have a friend who says his parents had this attitude that when this happened they would say, "Just havin' a little life."  I like that, not catastrophizing things. Seriously, there is little to really get upset about when you have your basic needs met.  

Yet I find I do get stressed when I get behind, because I lost a week of time to do my additional duties.

Still I find great value in slowing down, especially when I have a lot on my plate. Slowing our thoughts, slowing our actions, slowing the need for constant chatter, and simplifying our lives as much as we can is the key to a balanced life in my realm.

I continue to make time for my meditation practice when I can.  I find two interesting results from this. First of all, afterwards I am more focused. Secondly -- and this has happened three times recently -- afterwards I have more energy.  And this was especially great because both times when I began I felt quite exhausted.

Life with teens and pre-teens can be constant movement, activity, conversations, and in our world, rock 'n roll.  But there is deep wisdom in stillness and quiet, and this happens when we know how and when to slow down.

happy birthday annabel

You are so unique and amazing and funny and charming and such a blast to be with. You are independent and kind.  You are wise beyond your years.  You teach me many things, just by being you.  You don't ask us for much.  You love your friends and you love your siblings.  You are such a precious girl writing songs and rockin' on your guitar, with your sock gloves on your hands -- always different colors and never matching.  I am oh so lucky to be your mother.

I love you my Annabel.
~Mama

corner view~vision

These photographs tell a story.  Sometimes it's good to do things unplanned. Our friends were visiting from all over the U.S. and India.  Gary arranged for a small group to go out and see the whales with our local friend Steve, who has a boat.  At the last minute Gary couldn't go so he asked me to go in his place.  I am usually a little sensitive to boats and don't usually ride on them.  But I told him I would drive our friends to the dock and at the last minute grabbed my camera.  When I got to the ocean I could see that the water was calm so I decided to join them and go whalewatching.  It was incredible. 

It was so amazing to watch the land get smaller and smaller and we ventured further into the ocean. We saw lots of whales.  We saw a baby and mother, and a small group splashing above the water's surface. We had time so we went to a neighbor island and one of the girls wanted to jump in the water in her clothes. She said it was a life dream to do this.  Then one of the boys jumped in and I followed.  It was so fun, me with these kids (20's) just enjoying the peacefulness of nature.   The water was so blue!  

On the way back to shore we saw two whales up very close.  And then we stopped the boat and a whale swam right under our boat!   

thoughts on this stage of our life

When our kids were little I made a sincere attempt to keep their life mellow and peaceful as much as possible.  But I also sought stimulation for them, something beyond what was at home to get them engaged, interested, inspired. It was always about balance.  One outing a day was sufficient.  A park, a store, a friend's house, the library.  Or something more exotic -- a trip to a museum, an art or live music show, and one memory that for some reason sticks in my mind -- visiting a baker in Florida, an older rotund man who made huge fantastic cakes, who was happy to let all three of our kids try to create their own marzipan flowers.  The rest of the time the children were content to be at home playing, drawing, listening to music, tinkering in the garden, reading books, and basically relaxing.  They did not watch television or even movies until our oldest was six years old.  Even then, it was in moderation. Interestingly, when they were little they never complained of boredom.  

They all went to school starting in preschool, although for a few years we home schooled the two oldest (girls).  This was during Skylar's middle school years, when our son was beginning elementary school.

Life is different now, in three ways.

First off, all of our children (now ages 10, 14 and 17) are in school, but the girls do not go to school every day.

Our girls attend a small public high school, and due to limited space they are only on campus part time.  The rest of the schoolwork is done virtually.  As the years increase, they are in school less and less.  Sky is now taking college classes, offered at her high school.  She has a Spanish class twice a week from 4 - 5 pm. She goes to school two full days a week, and Annabel goes four.

In some ways the schedule is great.   We still spend a lot of time with our teens and thus have a strong influence on them.  They have down time to work on their music and art.  And they are able to get good grades without super high pressure.  But sometimes it gets a little overwhelming because I have very little uninterrupted time to get things done I need to get done.  Right now, the way it works out, all three of our kids only go to school on Mondays.

Things are also different because our kids are starting to reach into the world and want outside connection and stimulation more and more.  They want to go out and do things more, they go out at night sometimes, they have sleepovers that last twelve to twenty four hours.   And they have interests that they have picked, and sometimes we don't share them. Sky is the only one is the family that likes surfing.  Annabel has introduced us all to alternative rock.  Plus they want more independence -- to go to the mall with friends, to go out with other families without us.  And they need this. It's all part of growing up.

With this lifestyle there is a lot of constant activity.  And more spontaneity for this mom who is by nature, a planner.  Teenagers are spontaneous, Mom, they tell me.    

Thirdly, the world is different than when they were little.  There is so much distraction.  Some good, some horrible.  In their childhoods many new things have entered mass consciousness, and daily reality.  Between email, YouTube, cell phones, Instagram, iPods and Netflix movies, they are plugged in more and more to a virtual world.  I am too.  I have a cell phone, I occasionally watch movies and YouTube, and obviously I have a blog!  

Sometimes I miss the time before all of these "conveniences" existed.  Before kids felt the need to have cell phones.  Before there was such thing as Facebook.  When they were happy to play all day with their dolls while Shawn toddled to and fro, getting into everything, knocking an entire container of salt on the kitchen table. Sometimes it seems like all of these things that are supposed to connect us actually serve to distract and disconnect us from the present moment.

The children are not little anymore.  Our youngest child will be eleven this year. Our oldest is getting ready to take her driver's test, and has already found a college she loves.  And I see very little of the child she once was in our middle child.  But they are still our kids.

I think children of all ages need down time to regroup, relax, eat meals in an unrushed manner, talk to us about their lives, and just be.  There is a saying that parents know their kids better than anyone else.  I have found that to be true. Ours all love it when I give them one-on-one time.  Luckily I enjoy our kids enough to want to spend this time with them.  This precious time.  May I never take it for granted.

corner view~motion

When you have an active boy it's good for him to have an active daddy to accompany him in his activities.

Luckily this is how it is over here as of late.  Although not pictured, I know you know that there is not only a daddy to join in on the music, but a few others as well!

we are all blessed

Do you know what a biryani is?  Do you enjoy walking in the cool mist?  Do you like looking at the sea?  Do you enjoy good company?

I do, to all these questions.

Earlier this month I visited a neighbor island again for my annual retreat.  It was on the tail end of the school holiday break.  So I went off for a few days while my wonderful husband tended to the kids and house and back-to-school routine.

Every mother should have such royal treatment.

I took a quick flight with a sweet friend, enjoying the company and conversation and oatmeal from Starbucks.  There were fourteen guests total. They came from all over the U.S. and some were delayed from the snowstorms. But everyone eventually made it.  

I slept in a large room decorated with flowers, beautiful pictures, tapestries and images of people in yogic positions.  I made freshly squeezed tangerine juice from huge fruits picked from a tree on this ten acre property.  We had enough juice for days.  I snacked on chocolates.  I strolled on the paths, visiting the gorgeous botanical gardens I have watched develop over the years.  I was fed various Indian delicacies made by a woman who delights in cooking for people.  We took a walk on the beach with the dog and we met a famous actress.  I meditated daily, and at night we hosted programs with inspiring talks and music.  I tended the bookstore for those two nights, where we sold items and collected money to be sent to worldwide charities.  All in all a good four days.

Then we flew home, and another five people joined the group, including a second swami.  They were hosted by our neighbor, we sent extra sheets, pillows, blankets. We had two more inspirational programs, including an all day retreat where the kids got to spend time talking to one of the swamis. We also got together for beach time, meals, and even a whale watch.  The kids played water football with some of the grownups, and everyone was young again.  Then an older gentleman insisted on taking everyone out for ice cream. Such a sweet group -- interesting, intelligent, caring people.  The kids were asked to sing one evening, the night we went to say goodbye. They sang a song I love -- Hold My Hand, by Michael Jackson.  They sang it in harmony.  They have sang this song many times over the last couple of years and had tired of it. They had asked us not to ask them to sing it for people anymore. But when this group of loving adults asked if they would sing, this is what they wanted to do.
                 
A biryani is an Indian rice dish.  The one pictured had potatoes and cauliflower in the rice and was topped with cashews, raisins, spices, onions.  It was made for us, as a farewell gift by the smiling swami, a special person that we all love so.

corner view~the colors of january

This year January is blue, red, green, yellow, orange.  January is travel, meals and walks and praying with friends - old and new.  January is music.  Joy. Optimism.  Celebrations.  And lots of laughter.  What, my friends, is the color of laughter?