corner view~slow

I know, it's missing a spoon

Things have been pretty slow around these parts.  At the end of January the kids all got sick, one after the other, and it went on for a long while.  Gary and I cared for them all day and some nights.  We were a great team.  I brought many trays of food to all of them.  They went through two huge pots of chicken soup with fresh herbs from the garden, they drank juice mixed with sparkling water. The poor kiddos all felt awful with high fevers.  But they are all better now, thank God!

I have a friend who says his parents had this attitude that when this happened they would say, "Just havin' a little life."  I like that, not catastrophizing things. Seriously, there is little to really get upset about when you have your basic needs met.  

Yet I find I do get stressed when I get behind, because I lost a week of time to do my additional duties.

Still I find great value in slowing down, especially when I have a lot on my plate. Slowing our thoughts, slowing our actions, slowing the need for constant chatter, and simplifying our lives as much as we can is the key to a balanced life in my realm.

I continue to make time for my meditation practice when I can.  I find two interesting results from this. First of all, afterwards I am more focused. Secondly -- and this has happened three times recently -- afterwards I have more energy.  And this was especially great because both times when I began I felt quite exhausted.

Life with teens and pre-teens can be constant movement, activity, conversations, and in our world, rock 'n roll.  But there is deep wisdom in stillness and quiet, and this happens when we know how and when to slow down.

thoughts on this stage of our life

When our kids were little I made a sincere attempt to keep their life mellow and peaceful as much as possible.  But I also sought stimulation for them, something beyond what was at home to get them engaged, interested, inspired. It was always about balance.  One outing a day was sufficient.  A park, a store, a friend's house, the library.  Or something more exotic -- a trip to a museum, an art or live music show, and one memory that for some reason sticks in my mind -- visiting a baker in Florida, an older rotund man who made huge fantastic cakes, who was happy to let all three of our kids try to create their own marzipan flowers.  The rest of the time the children were content to be at home playing, drawing, listening to music, tinkering in the garden, reading books, and basically relaxing.  They did not watch television or even movies until our oldest was six years old.  Even then, it was in moderation. Interestingly, when they were little they never complained of boredom.  

They all went to school starting in preschool, although for a few years we home schooled the two oldest (girls).  This was during Skylar's middle school years, when our son was beginning elementary school.

Life is different now, in three ways.

First off, all of our children (now ages 10, 14 and 17) are in school, but the girls do not go to school every day.

Our girls attend a small public high school, and due to limited space they are only on campus part time.  The rest of the schoolwork is done virtually.  As the years increase, they are in school less and less.  Sky is now taking college classes, offered at her high school.  She has a Spanish class twice a week from 4 - 5 pm. She goes to school two full days a week, and Annabel goes four.

In some ways the schedule is great.   We still spend a lot of time with our teens and thus have a strong influence on them.  They have down time to work on their music and art.  And they are able to get good grades without super high pressure.  But sometimes it gets a little overwhelming because I have very little uninterrupted time to get things done I need to get done.  Right now, the way it works out, all three of our kids only go to school on Mondays.

Things are also different because our kids are starting to reach into the world and want outside connection and stimulation more and more.  They want to go out and do things more, they go out at night sometimes, they have sleepovers that last twelve to twenty four hours.   And they have interests that they have picked, and sometimes we don't share them. Sky is the only one is the family that likes surfing.  Annabel has introduced us all to alternative rock.  Plus they want more independence -- to go to the mall with friends, to go out with other families without us.  And they need this. It's all part of growing up.

With this lifestyle there is a lot of constant activity.  And more spontaneity for this mom who is by nature, a planner.  Teenagers are spontaneous, Mom, they tell me.    

Thirdly, the world is different than when they were little.  There is so much distraction.  Some good, some horrible.  In their childhoods many new things have entered mass consciousness, and daily reality.  Between email, YouTube, cell phones, Instagram, iPods and Netflix movies, they are plugged in more and more to a virtual world.  I am too.  I have a cell phone, I occasionally watch movies and YouTube, and obviously I have a blog!  

Sometimes I miss the time before all of these "conveniences" existed.  Before kids felt the need to have cell phones.  Before there was such thing as Facebook.  When they were happy to play all day with their dolls while Shawn toddled to and fro, getting into everything, knocking an entire container of salt on the kitchen table. Sometimes it seems like all of these things that are supposed to connect us actually serve to distract and disconnect us from the present moment.

The children are not little anymore.  Our youngest child will be eleven this year. Our oldest is getting ready to take her driver's test, and has already found a college she loves.  And I see very little of the child she once was in our middle child.  But they are still our kids.

I think children of all ages need down time to regroup, relax, eat meals in an unrushed manner, talk to us about their lives, and just be.  There is a saying that parents know their kids better than anyone else.  I have found that to be true. Ours all love it when I give them one-on-one time.  Luckily I enjoy our kids enough to want to spend this time with them.  This precious time.  May I never take it for granted.

corner view~all the small things

All the small things make up the whole of our lives.  We look back through snapshots and remember moments, like the four-year-old birthday party with the flowerpot ice cream, served individually to each child.  The trip years ago to St. Barth's and how fun it was, how much planning it took, so many small details to propel us to that tiny landing strip that ended right at the ocean's edge. The search for a new car with numerous test drives before we picked the one that worked best for us.    

And there are so many small things to attend to.  I have heard a quote that says the way a person deals with the small things reflects their character.

Mothers (and fathers) have so many small things to do.  They work, they take care of their home and children.  Life can get mundane for some.  For me it doesn't get mundane.  I enjoy cleaning, changing the beds, vacuuming the rooms, cooking and even washing dishes.  Especially when I have hours of free time to get to some of this before I go paint.  The time in the art studio is a reward for my efforts.  It happens occasionally.

I enjoy most of my daily chores. It's just that there is so much to do that I never feel caught up, and at this point in my life I don't get much free time.  So the small things can sometimes become stressful and feel more like a chore than a blessing.  A list that I never get through in a given day, that carries over to the next day.

But it is a blessing to have a home to care for, to have children to feed that fill our home with laughter, excitement, crazy noise and rock 'n roll, to have a spouse I love to share this busy life with.  It is important to remember this, always.  

circling the world/giveaway

back cover of "No Turning Back" designed by Gary and Sky

Here is the final song to share with you from Gary's new album.  This song, "Circling the World" is described by Gary as "about our inner search to find faith in love."

My interpretation -- This could be romantic love, or Divine love.  I like to think of it as both.

The first line is, "Every mind, circles a world, tries to find the sun it left behind."

That has been my task in the last year since I began my daily meditation.  A beautiful challenge, one that I have to recommit to daily.  It's easy to leave the sun behind.  But it's always there.  We just sometimes forget.

A giveaway of the CD "No Turning Back" is happening this week on Facebook. Click here and like Gary's page to play along!

silence

A little over a year ago I began meditating every day, determined to make the time to do it consistently. I have missed a day here or there, but for the most part I have sat for thirty minutes each day.

I learned the practice eight years ago when the children were younger and life was constantly busy.  I do recall the few times I did meditate, headaches would disappear, I would have wonderful dreams, or I would feel really peaceful afterwards.  Still, it wasn't until last year that I decided to be disciplined about practicing daily.  

Meditation is described as something that is practiced because it is practice for life. There are numerous opportunities every day to practice what one gains from meditation.  Modern medical research is now showing what the ancients have known for thousands of years, that meditation changes our physiology. By sitting daily with the intention of breathing peacefully in silence, I have changed from within.  I have developed a keener awareness of my mind and my negative tendencies, of which there are plenty.  I have developed more patience, a calmer attitude, a better sense of humor, more perspective and detachment.  My meditation teacher says do not underestimate the subtle progress you are making.  My goal is to be able to have a steady mind at all times, despite my external experiences.  I still have far to go, but I have had glimpses, moments of something different, a sense of humor, something that feels like peace, even in chaos.

Since regular meditation, I feel that my nervous system is calmer.  I am more comfortable with silence.   In fact I went away a couple of months ago and was able to experience lots of silence, for several days in a row.  And I found that instead of feeling lonely or feeling I needed to fill the silence with something, I loved the silence.  The silence filled me.

That was such a beautiful surprise.

part two of the retreat that seems so long ago

On the third day the sun came out.  After breakfast and meditation, we went to the beach and walked and swam.  Then we all went out to lunch.  I got Thai food.  I walked around the gardens on the property, snapping a few photos.  We ate a wonderful Indian dinner prepared by a group of ladies.  That evening there was a public program with an inspirational talk and devotional songs, up in the room I was sleeping in.  I was settling into my solitude and could feel my quiet heart.

On the forth day I slept in.  Then I took a walk in the neighborhood with my friend Lucy and her dog, Shama.  The area reminded me of a place I once lived.  Some of the group went to the beach, a different one this time.  We went out for lunch.  Then we went for smoothies and stopped off at a sustainable farm where we did an informal tour.  That day I thought about integrity, and peace, and stilling the mind.  The mind, the mind, the mind... is it ever still?  Maybe for a few seconds.  The evening ended with another public spiritual program.  I ran the mini bookstore both nights and sold some items, which was fun.  All of the profits go to humanitarian charities.  At ten o'clock we ate yet another dinner prepared by the same group of ladies.  

On the fifth day I packed my bags and had my final breakfast of toast, ghee, honey.  Fresh squeezed tangerine juice mixed with whey powder to make a frothy smoothie.  A quick meditation and it was time to pack the cars and trucks and head to the airport.  But first we stopped off for lunch at the Thai place, coming full circle.

What a beautiful trip.  What a beautiful gift I was able to give myself, a place to return to year after year.  Thanks G and my kids and Bill and Lucy and Swami for making it happen.

retreat

I had the most restful and longest and quietest retreat ever.  I was spoiled and taken care of by so many people.  Everywhere I went people were feeding me or treating me out for lunch.  I went away with two friends from home to join a bigger group.  I left home with a bad back that wouldn't give and after four nights and five days away I came home rested and pain free.  That was just one of the many gifts of this time away.

The first day we flew in and met up with five more people (including Swami) in a tiny tropical airport.  I rode in the jump seat of a truck with some bananas, a large rare, spiky skinned ripe fruit, a small paint can, some luggage.  The men in the front seat discussed business and I looked out the window, quiet.  I was so happy.  We went out for delicious Thai food.  Swami was quiet except for when he told a great story about a mongoose and selflessness and pure-heartedness that I am writing down for our children.  When we arrived at the house where we were staying it was raining.  It rained the entire day.  I loved it.  Everywhere the plants were glistening.  I wore pants and socks and a sweatshirt the entire day.   I made people tea, and helped the ladies cook.  When the rain stopped, a glorious full rainbow appeared in the sky, and stayed for a long time.  Every day I had plenty of time for my meditation, and did it in a beautiful large room where I stayed by myself.  There were so many people in the group that seven of them rented a house nearby.  Since the huge room I was in was usually reserved for women's quarters, and I was the only woman guest, I got the entire room to myself.  The property I stayed on has a several acre botanical garden.  

The second day was a rest day with no programs.  It rained and I stayed inside.  I didn't mind at all.  For breakfast I had bread with homemade ghee and honey from the property's local hives.  I helped make lunch.  We made Mexican food with cooked peppers, onions, and the best guacamole ever.  I did some yoga, I talked to a friend on the phone, I talked to my family via Skype and I took a long nap.  We all had dinner at the group's house around the corner.  Ajitha, a woman from India, who told me she didn't cook much, was in charge of dinner. The. Best. Indian. Food. Ever.  One more person flew in and our group was complete.  Fourteen people, my lucky number.   

I was very quiet these first two days.  I took advantage of the opportunity to talk less, with fewer demands on me and my time.  I was in a houseful of people, in a large group.  I was very quiet, quieter than I have maybe ever been.  It was great. 

now that it's december...

Plenty of time at the beach. Roller skating (Shawn is getting pretty good!), time sharing new songs on guitar, watching the U.S. election results roll in, visiting Shawn's fourth grade classroom, reconnecting with friends, and our monthly cooking for the homeless (we have recruited many friends to help).  This has been our fall.

This summer the kids got way too dependent on video games.   Since we returned home we have unplugged the kids from video games based on research we found on the teenage brain.  In summary -- There is a second infancy in adolescence, in terms of brain development.  Whatever you do as a teen, you will get really good at.  Teens take risks because the part of the brain that controls judgement isn't fully developed yet.  Also, new research is showing that videos games can be an actual addiction.      

I am happy to report that after initial grumbling, the kids have settled into the torture of no video games, and more limited screen time.  They still get to watch movies and tv shows, and our family still watches iCarly together.   

In addition to school the kids are keeping busy in ways that are good for them.  Shawn is learning piano, making up songs on Garage Band, drawing a lot, and writing a novel -- he is very excited to have completed nine pages!  He is also back at Taekwondo.  It all makes me so happy, but especially the drawing, because for so long he wasn't into it. 

Annabel is writing songs and a novel.  She is also sketching and reading and rehearsing for Annie, which opens this Friday.  She is doing Taekwondo too.

Sky is recording an album, learning tennis, playing piano, and drawing quite a bit.  She also is back in Taekwondo, and writing new songs too.

Gary is recording a new album, which is filled with songs we all love.

And me?  Well, I went grocery shopping last week.  I was very proud of myself. 

corner view~spontaneity

There has been so much spontaneity and venturing out in our lives as of late.  Annabel has actually been telling me, "Mom you need to be more spontaneous.  That's how people are here!" 

Me, I like planning, and weekly schedules.  So it is sometimes a stretch for me.  I guess I am a bit of a fuddy duddy.  Funny, I always thought of myself as the fun, lively one.

Truth is we now have two teenagers (and an active nine-year-old) who want to be out in the world doing lots of stuff, plus they are all making new friends, learning new sports, and doing new activities, a lot more than ever before.

For years we had it easy.  All three kids did the same one sport after school at the same time.  And we home schooled the girls, so we only had one school to drive to daily.  Can you believe we got away with this level of simplicity?  Well, no more.  We now have three kids in three different schools.  Shawn and Annabel are doing Taekwondo.  Sky is learning tennis and skateboarding.  Annabel has a role in the school play.  And we are taking the kids to our local outdoor roller skating rink on weekends.   

In addition the kids crave spontaneous outings.   So sometimes you just have to go to the beach, or to Jamba Juice or have a family day of games in the pool, just because. 

Because actually, there is deep wisdom to spontaneity, because that's often where the magic is.  So this mama is finding a balance between being planned and organized (which is necessary in family life) and also knowing when to let go a little and have some fun, just because.

And by the way.  I didn't plan this blog post.  I winged it.  I didn't write it in my schedule book the week before.  In fact late last night I had to go to Francesca's blog to see what this week's topic was, cuz I had forgotten it was my choice!  So there ya go.

 Happy week, my friends!

corner view~time for myself

Last night we were invited for dinner at a friend's house.  When we first arrived right after I said hello, I took a moment for myself and snapped this photo out their back door.

When I have stretches of time alone I like to water the garden, read, take photos, write, and paint.  I can get lost in these activities.  I think it's crucial that we get lost in these types of things sometimes.  For me, it provides balance and is often when the creative ideas come.

p.s. Regarding commenting on each others' blogs...would anyone please be willing to disable the step that requires comments to type in letters and numbers? The one that says "Please prove you're not a robot?"  Last I checked not too many robots are trying to comment on blogs, lol.  Or am I missing something?  I find this step tedious and unnecessary.  I disabled it on my blog and have no more spam or problems than when I had it. 

corner view~impression

Evening boat dock, Alexandria Bay, Virginia, 1992

oil pastel on paper

There was a time in my life when I made art all the time.  Like when I made the drawing above.  I was single, living in Old Towne Alexandria then and could walk to the water's edge from my apartment.  I often did this at night when the weather was warm.  There were street musicians, family with strollers, live music, buzzing restaurants.  I would bring my sketchbook with me wherever I went.  I carried a large bag to fit it in.

My artmaking started in childhood and lasted into my twenties.  I became an art therapist after completing my masters degree, which I did right after college.  I worked in a psychiatric hospital full time as an art therapist.  I did several groups a week, they lasted about two hours.  There was a big art room full of great supplies on our unit.  While the patients created art in the first hour, relaxing music playing in the background, I often painted with them.  It was just a part of my daily life.

Now I carry a smaller purse and I don't even have a sketchbook.  I bought one this summer, but it sits on my desk, crisp, clean, still new.  I am trying to break through the resistance.  I don't know how to get back there to daily artmaking.  I have been painting some.  I feel like I don't have the free time to get myself into that creative space.  I do have some free time in the week, but it's hard for me to get there.  But every time I take the time I enjoy it so much.
   

 Laura Howard and artist me, 1992.  

Laura made such an impression on me.  She was my friend.  We worked at the hospital together.  She was a nursing staff member.  She had a great sense of humor and a fierce sense of loyalty.  She was really intelligent, but totally approachable to staff and patients alike.  Some people are solid.  They are who they are and they never change.  Laura is one such friend.  To this day she is a fan of me and my entire family.  I miss her.  How lucky we are to find the friends we do on our life's path.

blue

I'm joining Francesca today at fuoriborgo in this blogging experience of a week of colors.

I made this painting this weekend, completely forgetting that Monday we would be writing about blue.  Well here it is!  This is the first time I experimented with dripping paint, it was fun.  I have to be careful not to use too much blue in my artwork because it is my favorite color.  

I have been sooo busy lately with the kids' new school schedule.  It is far more driving and activities and weekly days off and half days than ever before.  So I was really happy when Gary took the kids out this Saturday to play tennis and later shop for new rackets, because after I cleaned up the kitchen I decided to paint.  Painting and blogging are my creative outlets, so when I take the time to paint or blog it is a way for me to do something I enjoy.  When my life is organized and I have free time I blog more, so when my life is busy and I take the time to blog anyway I feel an expansiveness, like I still have free time.  It is a luxury I give myself even when I have other things I "should" be doing.  And trust me, the "to do" list is still there, unfinished.  But we all have to figure out a way to find balance.

silence

orchid tree in our front yard

See how nature-trees, flowers, grass grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence… we need silence to be able to touch souls. 

~Mother Teresa

retreat

This was a whole week ago but I am taking a dip back into the feeling of peace and traquility I felt while on retreat.  The fun time I had touring the botanical garden, sampling the chocolates, watching Raji cook, and Lucinda make tea, sitting in that big still room, all to myself, the biggest room I have ever slept in, listening to the koa trees rustling in the gentle breezes.

So here is the clincher everyone...once we get a glimpse of serenity we need to figure out how to keep that feeling even though life speeds up and stresses us out and requires so much more out of us than vacations and retreats with all of our meals taken care of do.  I know it has something to do with the value of silence, and remembering to really breathe.

Here is a quote from a wise elder that Gary and I had the privilege of talking with last month.  We were discussing the experience of meditation and the part of us that seeks the Truth and inner peace.  He said:

Sit and listen to this voice.  How often do we sit and listen to this voice?  Know that within yourself you are at peace, so what throws you off?

I am not saying you are doing anything wrong, he reassured us, so we knew he wasn't talking down to us.  This is something to contemplate.