for my children~what we can do

A few days ago my sixteen year old son asked me to go to the trampoline park with him for the second time. The first time we went we had fun, but I was very cautious and woke up a bit sore from using muscles I hadn't used in a long time. My son and I share a love of gymnastics. He likes to challenge me to push myself. It is hard for him to comprehend that I am unable to do all I could do when I was younger. I also have an injury that I have to be careful of. Regardless of all this, I forged ahead and we drove to the trampoline park for another experience. 

When we arrived he immediately started doing very advanced flips, while I did a few very simple jumps. He kept encouraging me to try more complicated skills. I was worried about injuring my hip, so I took it easy, even though the first time we went I didn't injure it further. This time I had no pain! We were having so much fun. I was able to do all I could do the last time, and more. My son was showing me all of the things he could do, and he was amazing. He was doing flips with twists, running up the wall, touching the ceiling. Little kids were in awe. It was awesome.

I looked over at the huge pit filled with blocks of soft foam. And idea dawned on me that maybe I should try a running forward dive roll and land in the soft foam. I figured that wouldn’t hurt my hip. I hadn’t done this in over twenty years. So I went for it. My son eagerly watched me. The first time I did it, I was naturally cautious. But it didn’t hurt me at all and it was actually extremely fun. I repeated the dive roll over and over again. My son was coaching me, telling me to get more height, taking videos. Every time I landed, I was laughing my head off. For some time I forgot all of my worries, and I just enjoyed being in the moment with my son, and my middle aged body that could still do some things it used to do years ago. 

Later I was reflecting on this experience and I realized how important it is to do what we can. So often we think about all the things we can’t do, especially as we age and lose some of the skills and abilities we had as younger people. 

I have a very dear friend who is in his early fifties, and cannot walk. He was injured in a skiing accident at the age of 18. When I met him what struck me most was how positive his mindset was. I’d never met someone who was disabled and had such a happy attitude. Up until then, everyone I’d met in a wheelchair was so bitter.

Later I got to know this man and I learned that he had deep faith in God, a very surrendered attitude about life, a very brilliant mind, and he practiced daily meditation. I’ve learned so much from this friend. He has a college degree from a top university, he is married with a beautiful wife and daughter, he has a great job and he is now getting his master’s degree. Despite constant pain, he never complains and he is one of the happiest and mentally strongest people I have ever met. He is such a great example of a person focusing on what they can do, not what they can’t do.

Be careful when you find yourself getting caught up in all the things you cannot do. Instead, try to focus on what you can do.

And I’ll let you know what happens next time I visit the trampoline park.

for my children~stepping in

Hi kiddos.

Two of you are now living out of the house part of the time. Hard to believe this time has come. But it has.

You are all growing up. You are all learning so much about life and yourselves. You are meeting lots of new people, and having new experiences.

As you go through life, remember, everything happens at the right time. It's not always exactly as we wish or think it should happen. But life is unfolding. The seed has to be under the ground for some time before it becomes a flower.

Try not to worry too much about figuring it all out, in terms of education and career path. Just follow your passions and interests and trust they will take you to the right places.  Seek positive mentors.

You are all strong, capable, intelligent young people. You all have unique strengths and huge hearts. I am most proud of the kindness you have all shown over the years. It is a strength like no other.

Strong.
Smart.
Kind.

Those three words you all grew up hearing from Dad. It's important to have a balance of them all. You have all developed these qualities in spades!

And remember, step into your unique brilliance. No one else can do it for you. Shine on my sweet children. I love you all!

for my children~sorrow

Hello my beautiful children. It's been awhile since I've written. I hope one day you will read these posts. I wanted to tell you all something I have recently learned. 

Sometimes things happen that can really throw us off. It could be that something that gave comfort begins to cause pain. Or that you realize a best friend is not even a decent friend, and you need to let go, and are left with sadness. Or that you aren't as good at something as you thought you were. Maybe you aren't passionate about something you once felt passion for. Or you feel you can't reach your goals or dreams. Maybe you feel physically drained and no matter what you do, it remains. You might feel really depressed, like life is against you. You might get really down and feel like you can't pull yourself out.

Sometimes negativity can overwhelm our minds. The worst part about this is that once we feel like we are a victim of outside negativity, it is almost impossible to not see more and more and more negativity around us, and we begin to expect it until it becomes part of us. Be cautious if this begins to happen. If you catch yourself in this negative mindset, reverse it as soon as possible.

Outside negativity is everywhere in the world. We see it in politics, in news headlines, on the streets and in our schools. It is easy to start to feel like the world is a negative place to survive. This is especially evident as we get older and have to face harsh realities. When we are children our innocence protects us. When we start to grow up we lose our innocence and with this loss of innocence is some sadness. That is natural.

Try to not dwell on sorrow. Instead just move forward in life, lighting your little lamp. Be easy on yourself. Be kind to others. Love your family and friends. Smile. Surround yourself with positive people. Find things to laugh about every day. Spend some time with children or animals. Be grateful for that which is good in your life. Do your best. Stay optimistic and I promise you, you will always be successful.

And remember, everything changes. No matter how dark things get, the pendulum always swings back to happiness.

Love,
Mom    

for my children~2016 election

Our attitudes effect everything and each other. Massive fear, anxiety and panic are not going to help anyone. Don't feed off of it. Focus your attention right now on what you love, what you think good is, what you value and hold dear. Have that be in the forefront of your mind.

Never ask any one thing or person to be everything you need them to be. That's like saying "You need to be exactly what I need you to be before I can feel okay!"

Try to appreciate qualities of the people on both sides of the ideas and concerns you are debating.

Love all beings. This is your true nature and if you hate on people, you are out of alignment with your true nature. Our true divine nature loves all beings!

Don't get all caught up in things you can't control. Control what you can control -- where you focus your attention, how you spend your time, the friends you choose, your personal priorities.  Focus on what is good and right and beautiful in the world. There is plenty of it.

Never doubt that there is God's Grace always available to you, flowing in a constant stream. I trust that we are all in very good hands, and we are part of an evolutionary process as humans on this planet at this time. Remember the miracles we have all experienced and seen. Remember that human life is indeed, a miracle.

Decide what you are for!
I know what I am for. I am for kindness, compassion, acceptance of differences, helping those in need, equal rights for all people. I am for taking the high road, having class, and as you all know, manners. I am for being level headed, generous, unselfish, having good boundaries, and being open to all sorts of people.  I am for family values. I am for learning new things every day. I value beginner's mind. We are all learning, all growing, all evolving. People can change and grow for the better. We all know this. We have seen it. Remember the story of the thief who becomes a wise saint after meeting the right person and having his eyes opened.

And never forget - regardless of what many people think or how they behave, you have the ability to be an advocate of your own well being and others' well being. So let your lights shine my dear children. They are bright and beautiful and incredible.

I know you know this all. This is just a reminder.

Love, Mom

for my children~perspective

It's good to try something new. It brings perspective. That's what we learned this past year. Many people have commented about how flexible our kids are. That's for sure. They can set up camp anywhere. Since July of last year we have lived in four different homes as we needed to move several times. Each place served a purpose and we got a lot out of being in California.

My parents are visiting us now in Palo Alto and it has been wonderful having them here. Photos of that time to come soon.

What I have learned is the following. Things always work out for the best. But not always what we think is the best. We can't always know for sure. Sometimes it's best to sit back silently and watch as life events unfold. Patience is key.

And mostly, love and family are the most important things in life.

We are all very, very blessed.  All of us.

Amen.

for my children~remember your strength

We never know what life is going to bring. We can hope for the best and to have richness in every sense of the word, in our relationships, in our day-to-day lives, in our hearts and minds.

And often we do. We are so incredibly blessed. We have so much, all of us.

But life has a way of bringing the unexpected sometimes.

When faced with difficulty, remember your strength. Remember everything we have taught you and other wise people have taught you. Remember when you have overcome past difficulties. Have faith in yourself.

Don't be afraid. Be bold and strong and move forward.

Help each other out and remember you know how to stay calm. And most importantly, remember that you are never alone. God is always there, watching out for us, giving us strength.

for my children~talking things out

I know it can be really hard but sometimes it's so very important to talk things out with people.  Many times there are misunderstandings that need to be cleared up. Also talking and listening with each other helps us understand where the other person is coming from.  We all have unique ways of seeing things based on our particular mindset.  Past experiences, moment-to-moment moods, physiological influences such as if we feel sick or well, hungry or full, tired or rested, and other people's opinions can highly influence how we act, and how we perceive reality.

The bottom line is this.  If you are out of line, and things need to be worked out, then wait til you are calm, and then stop, sit down and talk. Remember all the practice you have gotten at our family meetings.  Don't be afraid to feel emotions or shed a tear or two.  It just means you are human.  And human is good.

Believe me, once things get talked out you will feel relieved and lighter.  Then you can go have a day.

for my children~strength

Strength is so interesting.
We often doubt we have it, but then when we are faced with difficulty, especially in situations we have never been in before, we find we have more strength than we realized.

Physical strength is one thing.  When we are young, and vibrant, we think of physical strength and ability as true strength.  Yes, there is something amazing about seeing our bodies grow and develop new abilities, and mastering new physical skills. Remember the feeling of breaking boards in Taekwondo?  Remember when you first realized you could swim?  I still remember the way it felt to master a new gymnastics skill, especially a scary one that required bravery.  I almost felt like I was magic.

Although physical strength is important, and helps us develop confidence and helps our bodies grow, I believe that mental strength is extremely important in life.  It is said that success in sports is 90% mental.

How do we develop mental strength???

This takes life experience, humility, time, patience, and hard work.  We have to calm the mind to get to the place of inner strength.  Because it's not something outside of us.  True strength is inside of us.

Strength comes from wisdom.  We waste so much energy concerning ourselves with useless thoughts, useless things, useless experiences.  True wisdom is knowing what to concern ourselves with, and knowing what to let go of.  This is day-to-day, sometimes moment-to-moment consciousness.  Think about that.

You are all very strong.  Believe me, I've seen each of your strengths.  Just believe in yourselves and you will be amazed at how you soar in your lives.

for my children~facing fears

There are times in life when we have to look our fears in the eye.  When we do that, we see that there is nothing to fear.

People can tell us this until they are blue in the face but it doesn't really matter until we get it.

We have to get it.  Once we get it, once we make up our minds to do it, then we can do it.

Don't be afraid in life.  There is really, truly very little to fear.

corner view~something difficult

photo credit, Gary Marks

Decisions can be difficult, especially those major life ones where we know whatever way we go will determine our future.  Sometimes it can leave us feeling paralyzed.

I always want to do the right thing.  I can get hung up in that.  And yet sometimes we really don't know what the right thing is.

When we find decisions difficult, we must weigh the pros and cons of each choice and then honestly, make a leap.  That is why the term is a leap of faith.  Some life decisions are a leap of faith.

And remember, once we make a decision, we can see where that leads us and then make a detour. Because we are constantly growing, changing and adapting to our environments.  We rarely can foresee exactly where any decision will lead, including difficult decisions.

I have recently come to the conclusion that if we make a decision that has some integrity, even though it may also have some difficulties, and we live our lives the best we can in that decision, that we then need to trust that we will have our angels looking out for us and helping us on this new leg of our journey.

After all, we are all walking on a journey.  Life is a journey.  And sometimes it is difficult.  And that's okay.  The pendulum will swing.  It always does.  

for my children~dealing with uncertainty

One thing we can count on in life is there is constant change, and much uncertainty. That doesn't make uncertainty easier.  It can be very stressful.

We like to think we have control over our lives, but in truth we have control over little in our lives.  It is important to realize the distinction between what we can control and what we can't.  We can't control the weather, or what our neighbors do, or who likes us or wants to be our friend.  We can't control what grades our teachers decide to give us, how well our team does in a season, or when we finally find all the people to make the perfect band.  We can only do our best.  We can't control what others do, or say.

We can control what we do, and how we respond, and what we say.  We can choose to see all the negatives of a situation, or focus on the positives. Things are almost never black or white.  We can give ourselves permission and time to relax and think things through before we make decisions.

Our mindset is really up to us.  We can control our attitude.  That we have a choice about.    

True wisdom is knowing what to take seriously, and what to ignore, or let go of. This is not always easy to do.  Still, please contemplate this idea.  It is deep, deep wisdom.

Remember the maybe story Dad and I have told you, especially when things don't go your way. Maybe it's for the best.  Maybe something we think is horrible is actually a blessing.  We rarely know at the time, what is truly best for us.  Time will tell, and sometimes we are surprised to see that something we thought was so bad at the time, proves to be better for us in the long run.

The deepest lesson in living with uncertainty, is practicing how to let go.  That is what the spiritual masters mean when they talk about surrender.  Because we really don't know so much.

And remember, you are all in good hands, and very loved and blessed.

for my children~letting go of stress

Take care of it and then let it go.

I was cleaning the refrigerator one night and after I was finished I noticed a spot that I had missed. As I wiped this final spot I felt immediate relief.  Ahh, that's better, it's all clean.   Take care of it and then let it go, I said to myself.

In that simple gesture something struck me.  

How often we have little messes in life that we are faced with. 

It could be not getting along with a person.  Or feeling like you have too much to do. Too much schoolwork.  Too much technical work with your music.  Not enough down time.  If we clean (or deal with) these things immediately, we can move on.  If we leave them messy, oftentimes what happens?   More messes follow.  Your relationships suffer.  You get behind on schoolwork, and your grades can suffer.

And often we make things so much harder than they have to be.  We spend all this time worrying about things or avoiding things we don't want to do.  It's such a relief to just do it, right this second, and then let it go.

Life is beautiful and a blessing.  As Shawn just said recently, "Everything is amazing!"  But life can sometimes also feel like a series of demands that we have to do.  Homework, cleaning rooms, and chores can feel like a burden in the busy lives of kids who have so much else they like to do with their time.

So try this out, next time you feel overwhelmed in your life.

Take care of it and then let it go.

And if you're not sure how to take care of it, or you need our help, Dad and I are here for you all.

for my children~the importance of forgiveness

If you harbor any resentment, if you are angry with any person or situation, it is best for you, them, and everyone else if you work it out, make it right, and forgive them. It is also important if you can ask for their forgiveness.  Oftentimes we hurt others without meaning to.  Even if we feel we are wrongly accused, or mistreated, if possible it is helpful to ask for forgiveness.  We never know the impact of our actions or sometimes even our presence on another person.

Say for example we have an acquaintance who has always been rude to us.  We have never done anything to hurt them.  Still they continue this behavior.

We don't know how it feels to be them.  Maybe we remind them of someone else who was really cruel to them, just because of our hair color, or demeanor.  Maybe every time they see us they feel sad, remembering how is was to be so mistreated.  How can we possibly know the effect we have on others?  We can't always know.  This may be an extreme example.  Still it is best to get forgiveness and be on good terms with all people.
 
If you try and you can't succeed, then just forgive, let go, and move on.  And mentally, not verbally ask for their forgiveness.

Remember this: every person, every situation, every bad experience you have is a teacher.  It is an opportunity for you to learn something.  So ask yourself, what can I learn from this?

for my children~grace

Dear Sky, Annabel and Shawn,

This is my first in a series I will be writing to you over the next few years.  It has occurred to me that there are some things I want to tell you, some life lessons I hope will help you as you grow up. These are things I have come to learn as I have lived my life.  I hope you find them helpful.
Love,
Mom

Grace is always there.  Sometimes, we just need to get out of the way.  It's our ego that gets us in trouble.  It's good to pray to God and ask for what we want.  It helps us to get clear about what we are trying to manifest in our lives.  But sometimes, instead of praying, and acting like a bit of a beggar, we might try considering that God knows, and sees us going through our lives.  He sees our struggles. And maybe then we can try to go on with our business, living our lives the best that we can, and trusting that we are indeed in good hands.

It seems to me that Grace will flow more readily to us when we have a humble heart.