our first day in venice

After a long flight from New York we stepped off the plane and made our way to a taxi boat.  As we approached Venice, water splashing on both sides of the boat, all the tension from travel began to melt.  We arrived soon thereafter at our hotel, dragging our small suitcases behind us on the bumpy paved street.  One of us had two suitcases for Annabel was holding the instruments that she insisted on bringing on the trip, a guitar and a bass in soft cases.  We walked through the glass doors of our hotel, ready to start our adventures in Italy.  We rested in the room for some time, settling in. Then we took the kids out walking on the streets of Venice, keen to every sight and smell, and found a small restaurant right across from our hotel to eat an early dinner of lasagne, salads and pesto pasta.  The kids got along so well.  A successful first day.      

shawn's heart

Today I was doing my daily meditation.  I usually do it in the morning when the kids are in school, but I had gotten a late start and therefore was in the middle of sitting in silence when Shawn came home from school at three o'clock.  He opened the door and came into my room quietly, slipped a single pear slice into my opened hand, patted me on the head, kissed my cheek, and tiptoed out of the room. He has never done this before.

Earlier today I found my old resume, or Curriculum Vitae (CV) as I was told to create (more intellectual). The CV was on paper -- creme colored, thicker than the typical piece, with a little texture.  Even back then I was recycling, because the CV was actually on the back of an old handwritten presentation I used to do about art and dissociative identity disorder, research I did in graduate school many years ago. I looked the CV over, pleased to have found it, as I have been thinking a lot about a question that used to be of utmost importance to me in my younger years and is only recently coming back to visit me...

What am I going to do when I grow up?

I thought today about my past professional work experience, how I left a prestigious full-time art therapy job in Washington DC behind to start a new life in California; I was young, energetic, full of hope at the age of twenty-six.  How I found odd jobs at that juncture in my life, and did many presentations for free in California, trying to get my foot in the door of something new.  How the best I came up with was a job as a part time art therapist/part time psych tech in a psychiatric hospital, after teaching one course at a small local university.  This and teaching gymnastics and art classes kept me busy until I welcomed my first child into the world.

I thought about how inspiring it was a few months ago for me to see my brother do a presentation of his work. This is the brother who is a physician that does research, teaches medical students, and runs an ICU all with finesse and class and heart.  This is the brother who due to his own conviction has been to Haiti several times to help save lives of people traumatized by the 2010 earthquake, because he was asked.  This is the brother who saved the life of a little girl with a lung infection when doctors in Haiti could not help her.  He found two doctors in Chicago willing to bring their own equipment to do the risky surgery after several Haitian doctors had failed, and a person in the community was so touched by the story that he paid for all of their flights.

As I thought about my CV, a bit yellowed with age and untouched for so long, I asked myself what can I add to this?  What work have I done in the last twenty years while raising my kids?  I did help edit a book for a couple of years.  It has yet to be published.  It awaits my attention, and will take time.  But this is time I do not have right now.  I volunteer as a treasurer for a local humanitarian group.  Can I put that on my CV?  And I did help Gary and the girls with music promotion, and still do.  Do I put this on my resume to fill up the space for the last twenty years, I wondered?

But when Shawn came to me and slipped that pear slice in my hand, that little quiet gesture, I realized that I have done work that doesn't go on a resume, or a CV, but nonetheless is incredibly valuable.  In that moment I realized I have been doing a good job at my job.  And the rest will unfold as it is meant to.                      

it was a great summer

Like I said, the summer started out well.  After LA, our second stop was New York. There was a reunion of almost all my siblings at my parents' home.  We celebrated father's day with the multiple generations.  My younger brother set my parents up with a new high tech stereo system.  We talked my mom into considering giving up her flip cell phone for an iPhone.  She began to consider.  My rock star sister, the queen of domesticity (who is also a college professor), made the awesome cakes.

more new york summertime

Family dinners, computer repairs, church on father's day, outdoor impromptu concerts with all of the cousins singing.  These were some of the things we did this summer with my family.

summertime with my family

This was the year that the cousins had the most fun they have had together.  My sister came in from Philadelphia with her family.  We were back east for father's day which was special.  The ladies all went out for lunch.  The kids performed songs complete with Shawn drumming on the table.  And the youngest grandchild read to us all at the table.  I love my family.    

corner view~stranger

While we were in Europe this summer my oldest daughter remarked at how beautiful the Italian people are.  I agree.  

Due to my new camera lens, I was able to capture shots of strangers like never before, from a comfortable distance.  Still, in a way I felt like maybe I was being a little invasive.  On the other hand, I love the way these photos capture certain moments, of rest, of play, of connection, of contemplation from the Italian and French people. Both of these cultures are ones I enjoy being around. After all, my ancestors were from France.    

the amma kendama project lives

This was in June.  I am behind in blogging about our summer travels.  I know it's October now but we had a crazy autumn.  We almost moved, but we didn't.  Since August I have taken two trips and am planning a third.  Plus we have been actively helping Sky with her many college applications.  Life is just busy in general.  Still I love to tell our story, so I will attempt to accomplish a review of our summer before the year is over.  We shall see how I do.

In June I took Shawn and Annabel to LA and we saw Amma.  Gary came a few days later with Sky after she took her SATs.  Shawn and I had shipped a bunch of kendamas to the LA hotel we were staying at.  We had raised money from our supersonic bake sale back in May.  We purchased the kendamas wholesale, so we made a good profit.  We brought the toys up to Amma and then afterwards were given permission to sell them.  The hall was so crowded with bookstore items and tables displaying all of the charitable work that we took a space in the hallway.  That was fine as it gave the kids room to play nearby.

We sold about twenty kendamas total.  We made $400 just from those.  We donated the rest to the staff to sell at their leisure.  It was hard work and Shawn and his friends spent a lot of time manning our "booth" that we fashioned out of the large cardboard box that the kendamas had been shipped in. He also played in the hotel pool with some of his friends.  After all, a boy needs balance.

When I came home in late July two of my five banana trees had fruit growing.  The bananas are just beginning to ripen now.  Are we in for another round of baking?  Not sure.  I might enlist one of the neighborhood kids to help my boy.  My focus this year is helping Sky with college applications and applying for scholarships.  It's pretty much a full time job, with all of my other family duties.

Speaking of full time jobs, I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I "grow up."  My background is in mental health.  Not sure where life is going to take me, but right now my focus is still the family.  Meanwhile I am finding inspiration in neuropsycholgical research on mindfulness and meditation.  There is a lot to learn in Ted talks and YouTube videos of taped talks of super smart people.  And I am looking into becoming a meditation teacher.  Life will unfold, all in good time.

corner view~darkness

This past summer we took the kids to Europe and visited Italy and France.  The above photograph was in Colle di Val d'Elsa.  We had taken the kids down a large glass elevator "lift" and walked through an ancient rock tunnel, damp and dark and a little foreboding, which opened out to a small happy town.  We walked a few blocks until we came to a town square where there was a festival.  We ate a very nice leisurely dinner in a quiet restaurant.  Then we wandered over to the town square. Night had fallen, and it was alive.  Annabel was thrilled to hear amplified music, as she ran to the stage to inspect the players. People were selling food, electronics, treats, jewelry, household goods.  I bought a smoky glass perfume bottle and two colorful scarves that will some day be used as curtains to cover up a small window.  Both of the girls picked out watch necklaces - Annabel picked a guitar and Sky picked an old fashioned pocket watch design.  Shawn was happy to get cotton candy, white in color.  

After we were finished with our evening we were walking back to our hotel.  On the street we saw an artist showing a video of color and imagery projected onto a building side.

And I thought then, and I am thinking now, sometimes we see the light, but only after some darkness. The light is always there, but it's the darkness that allows us to see it so beautifully.